“The greatest shits list” from 2014

What happened in the metal music industry last year? !

Detailed explanation by Rob, ‘rapid fire, blitzkrieg ‘style by Mirgilus, here is no place for “best of lists” “best of the bests” cock sucking politically correct attitude, just pure filth and mayhem, no mercy for posers! It’s the funny time of the year! Let’s see who the winners of shit are this year!

It is very fashionable these days to have pompous Metal Awards ceremonials, which I will never understand, sure, I know it’s my problem, everybody should just do his thing. If I don’t like something, I should ignore it of course. If a band sucks, sure, who am I to criticize, bla bla, “Don’t listen to it if you don’t like” + “Make better music if you can” I hear the moaning fans. Here is a summary I wrote on a bus-ride somewhere far in a very poor country, where there is no metal scene, there is no heavy music. I was so bored that I actually wrote this on my phone if I remember well, exactly on Xmas day.

Remember, we are only having fun, no need to get angry! Here are the negative, hilarious or funny but not glorious aspects I noticed in 2014. Let’s see who are the pokemons of the last year!

“Metal scene” in Romania

The severe lack of real metal press. Yes, there are a few small exclusions, and there are also few real nice gig organizers, but the “press” part has acute snags. Romanian metal "journalists" like to go to gigs and festivals to shoot photos which they can upload in their websites galleries + slutty chitchat on FB. No reviews, no interviews. Only big slices of arrogance and ignorance.
I hope there will be new blood soon, because what is happening is hysterical comical science-fiction. In a “big” and “important” metal site the  “album of the year” is a circus band’s EP released on CDr. That’s the Album of the Year in Romania! We have articles stolen from other scandal metal shit sites like Ass to Mouth. I don’t want to read about James Hetfield and his family (who the fuck cares?), we have shit articles like “Top 10 Pantera songs” and even articles about hip-hop scandals or Michael Jackson.

Romania what the fuck is wrong with you? Wake up and make something, work something!

Bum-zur

Varg, his brand Bumzur and everything around him. I can’t keep up with this guy, some self-censure wouldn’t hurt!

Phil Anselmo / Pantera

He became a very wise guy, he talks a lot, too much exposure, very poor music and boring drunk live appearances. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him getting a heroin overdose soon. The fucking useless journalist questions and themes on forums about Pantera should re-unite or not. Thanks, we don't need it!

The rip-off band Death to All

This company is making money of Chuck Schuldiner's legacy. It is bitter irony the fact that Chuck indirectly died because lack of money for treatment, and this gang now makes the money which if he would had, maybe he would be alive. I can’t understand people who are paying money for these kinds of shows. I think making world-tour like this may not be the best way to pay your respect.

King Diamond / Mercyful Fate

There is still no new King Diamond album. He rather sings on Gaybeat (actually his part was OK in that song.) Okay, that was maybe in 2013, but still no new album! There is still no Mercyful Fate re-union. Hank Shermann’s TANK wasn’t a big shot, just a collection of guitar shredding. I feel a re-union will be made this year, mark my words!

Mayhem / Csihar / Tormentor

Every time the Norwegian company Mayhem makes an album, a lot of people are shitting their pants, excluding me some other timeworn guys who cannot understand that Mayhem “evolved”. This band lives from its dark past, their albums are nothing compared to De Mysteriis. It’s darkness, but nothing more. Prodigies like Euronymous and Snorre simply cannot be replaced. 20 years after its release Necrobutcher – who doesn’t even played on that classic -  says he “wrote a few songs” on that album. Sure, I believe him. I don’t think this gentleman is lying, why would he? It’s still strange they needed a guy who wrote their whole new album, right? Even 2 albums, because the first Teloch (?) wrote was thrown away. Maybe mastermind Necrobutcher was busy with television, or whiskey and didn’t had time to use his talents of songwriting. There is still no Tormentor reunion! Csihar should make this instead of the fading Mayhem thing, Buday already plays with the Nifelheim guys, so it’s about time now in 2015!

Peste Noire

I didn’t like the new video. Just provocation, nihilism without a message. Yes, yes, I know I cannot understand the KPN art, because I am not French.

Immortal

Legal Battles in the North! Another big Norwegian business corporation, where two landlords are arguing about who has the right to use the name. Pure Holocaust! Guys, I have a good idea! Noone of you should use it.

The death of Selim Lemouchi

R.I.P.

SLIPKNOT

The money-box is empty! The ugly and fat people’s band have returned. They shouldn’t.

MACHINE HEAD

I miss their hip-hop years! They were much more credible in 1999!

The singer from MEGADETH

His hair, his voice, his ideas and generally everything.

NEGURA BUNGET

This band is a joke. I can’t keep up with the line-changes of the band, I think there are no people left in Romania who didn’t played in this band. Wonderful theories, super-philosophical concepts, ambitious trilogies with very subtle – almost missing – music. They should make a tour with Mayhem, two bands where the position of the drummer doesn’t change. Only those who are writing the music are constantly changing.

SEPULTURA

Somebody, Merkel, Obama, Putin, somebody should put some sanctions on this company.

IN FLAMES

The composer, originator of the band is not in the band. They are making unplugged nights. The guy can’t sing, somebody have the guts and tell him, once for all!

AMON AMARTH

I am not sure this is how it is written: Amon Amarth. The singer is in a movie now. Let’s hope he will stay with movies and acting and maybe he will stay away from songwriting and music!

OPETH

Mika Akercock is writing music, but what he really needs is these 2 things: 1. Mustache-cut 2. A proper beating.

SHINING

And their fans.

UDO DIRKSCHNEIDER

Useless agitation in press on his former buddies from Accept. He is still angry he didn’t grew taller. He makes a fantastic world tour right now, which is actually our next subject:

UDO DIRKSCHNEIDER / BLAZE BAILEY / TIM RIPPER OWENS / VESCERA

Acclaimed heavy metal vocalists and winners of the last decades are making a tour in – where else? – South America, singing classics to the Latin World. They play also on weddings and christening parties. It’s a mystery for me who is Mike Vescera? “The idea came from a promoter from Russia” Bailey says. Everything is clear than! Besides one thing: why Paul Di Anno wasn’t invited?

The drummer from Nirvana / Poo Fighters

Nothing to explain here.

WINO

Not because of the drug habit. He is still constantly jumping on and off his bands, constantly making new bands. Even if they are all killers, I can’t keep up with him.

SATYRICON

Is there anybody left who takes them seriously?

LIMP BISCUITS / PAPA ROACH

New albums, re-union or sort of. It wasn’t good back then. Why would be now?

Blake Judd

Tribute Bands

Life is too short to go to tribute “band” gigs.

SLAYER / LOMBARDO / KERRY KING

I’m fucking not interested in their problems.

Metallica fans

The world would be a better place without them.

Sorry if I forgot some people / bands!

By Rob, 2015 February

 

- Phil Anselmo live with Down, drunk as fuck, drug addict motherfucker

- Deafheaven live, somebody just shoot them please, hipster gay motherfuckers

- Gehenna live, no spirit, no feeling, all the stars on the North sky are dead now!

- Worship live, no Fucked-up Mad Max, no Worship, boring as hell performance

- Interstellar movie, more than 3 hours waste of time

- Foo Fighters still active and still here with a new album, hello Dave! fuck you!

- The official Peste Noire video ‘Dans Ma Nuit’, not good, not funny, not nice, too much time for idiotism Mr. Famine, less music, go to rehearsal room and play, too much time on social media with dumb-ass comments!

- La Mesnie Herlequin, it’s not a label just a kindergarden for Famine’s ladyboys

- Burzum Live on youtube, fucking fuckk! Vikernes just digging in his own shit deeper and deeper.

- No Mercyful Fate reunion

- Slayer recording new album, No please!

- Flotsam & Jetsam live, one of the worst performance ever seen!

- H.R. Giger is no more!

- Ildjarn & NiDHOGG drama about the iLDjARN/Hate Forest split "Those Once Mighty Fallen"

- Selim Lemouchi is no more!

- The return of Mütiilation, schedule live appearance on Hellfest 2015!

- Satanic Warmaster – Fimbulwinter, well known Satyricon & Dimmu Borgir riffs recycle on the new album, shame on you Werwolf! Opferblut still reign!   

- No split up for the following bands: Metallica, Exodus, Kreator, Amon Amarth

- Nargaroth and their South American, Mexican fans

- Black metal! What the fuck happened with this genre?

- Romanian metal, worse and even worse!

- Avenged Gayfold opening for Black Sabbath, WTF? the Armaggeddon is near

- Zakk Wilde on stage with his great shitty face, get a real vocalist redneck motherfucker! 

- NWN! forum trolls with tons of useless topics, polls etc, go to playground kids!

 By Mirgilus, 2015 February